How To Lose Something You Never Had
by Bubbles1994
Summary: Cameron visits the Diagnostic Department and reflects on her deterorating life. H/C


_I'm alive! It's seriously been too long, but I'm back with a small drabble that I wrote just at five in the morning with insomnia. It's a sad little thing, so get out the Kleenexes ;-P Enjoy!_

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Doctor Allison Cameron walked the corridors of the Princeton Plainsboro Teaching Hospital with confidence. She was honestly clueless what caused her to come to come the fourth floor - which was home to the diagnostic department - but she was almost sure that it wasn't for _him_.

He, who made her heart swim, like a thousand dolphins; he, who made her lose her breath lately, like her car keys that she often misplaced; and he, who when he starred at her from across the emergency room, made the back of her blond head burn, like a cigarette when smoked.

Cameron has been in love before _him_ and she was sure that, at this point in their working relationship, that it wasn't love. Possibly admiration though… She was sure that there was an electric attraction that you feel, but have no idea what it means at the moment, but the moment that you do realize it (after examining it like a freaking MRI scan that has a whole lot of gray spots); it smells like victory.

You solved the puzzle that is more complicated than it seems: your heart. Sure, as a doctor, you're taught the parts of your heart until you know it more than your best friend; the right and left atrium, right and left ventricles, aorta, vena cava's, and other various chambers of the anatomical heart.

Metaphorically speaking, the anatomical heart doesn't hold what you feel with everything. It makes no sense at all when a person says that they "heart" something. For example, "I Heart You"; you might as well say "I Brain You". It's all about what you think.

Cameron chooses to believe that the one that you are truly in love with - the one that you never ever fight with, the one that makes breakfast while you're still asleep (even though, he's never stood in front of a stove to cook in his life except when lighting his grandmother's kitchen on fire when he was seven and trying to bake cookies), and the one that holds you when you cry over a loss - knows you and your emotions better than his own. Although, that's higher expectations than anybody could ever ask for.

When she arrived at the diagnostics department and leaned against the wooden wall (or what looks like a wooden wall), and peered with observing eyes through the glass panel. Cameron couldn't believe that she was there for over three years, and yet it seems so distant. When she stood in _his_ office almost a year ago with her resignation clutched in her hand, she never wanted to be farther from there as possible. Her inner feelings became too strong and she needed something, anything, to regain closure. And found it in Chase.

Chase was merely a person to Cameron, with no real meaning whatsoever. He was there on their joint days off, which were scarce, when they would sit in front of the television and stare at the screen in silence with blank expressions and in a dead relationship. Then, Chase proposed to her at spur of the moment, with a gleaming ring with diamonds fit for a queen, and she accepted; hoping that her feelings for Chase would increase, and her passion for another doctor, that donned a cane in one hand and a tennis ball in the other, would diminish.

Marriage and engagement don't solve problems, merely cover them up for something deeper.

And, now, months later and her upcoming nuptials approaching, she stood in front of the place where it all happened. Cameron wished more than anything to take back her resignation and continue to work for the handicapped genius, but she knew her place in the world. Cameron forced herself to keep from crying and making a scene, to walk away and into a life that'll be spotted with appearances of _him_, rather than a life with _him_. Into a marriage that she would regret, a broken heart, and a life of loneliness and a rare obsession with her career, which was sucking pretty bad at the moment (sutures and broken bones only scratch the surface of the medical world).

So she walked away and tried to forget about the fact that you have the power to change anything if you just take one step forward in the right direction.

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**It's depressing, right? And even more depressing is when an author doesn't get reviews. Hey! You can do that! So click the button - You know you want to. ;-)**


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